Girlfriend to Start Offering Loyalty Points for Access to Bedroom

October 24, 2011 11:00 am
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Girlfriend to Start Offering Loyalty Points for Access to Bedroom

STOREY HOUSE, ROW—Stanford junior and girlfriend Lisa Alberts has started to implement a loyalty points system for her boyfriend Eric Bellman.

Bellman, who has been extremely flakey over the last two and a half months of the relationship, said he has had a hard time keeping up with the loyalty points system.

“First I have to go hang out with her while she does her homework on Tuesday nights to get one point, and then I have to attend her dance show Friday night to get another loyalty point. I need five loyalty points to get in the bedroom… and honestly, these events aren’t even related to sex!”

“A few years ago, all I had to do was show up,” lamented a visibly frustrated Bellman.

Alberts has said the points system has been extremely effective. “When so many people want access to your bedroom, you just need a way to sort between them.”

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