Greetings from the First Mass-Produced Stanford Student!

April 24, 2011 9:01 am
Views: 134
Greetings from the First Mass-Produced Stanford Student!

Hi there, fellow student. I’m fresh off the assembly line they’ve set up in the basement of Munger and am glad we met. We should go to the CoHo sometime to catch up, and then resolve to do it more often. What are your interests? Personally I’m interested in diversity and sustainability mostly, although I can be quite passionate about community as well. And I gotta give mad props to Stanford football and SOCC-endorsed candidates. I love those two things.

And I love how Stanford is so much more chill and laid back than East coast schools. From time to time homework stresses me out, but nothing chases the stress away like hittin’ up the row on a weekend. You should have seen it–last Saturday I got so drunk that I did this funny thing!

Oh, and I waved to you the other day in White Plaza. I guess you didn’t see me, although I don’t know how you couldn’t pick me out of the crowd when I was wearing my Stanford hoodie and Kanye West-style shutter shades. Anyway, let’s hear about you. But wait, first–did you know that I’m from a low-income family? Or maybe I’m not—but if I’m not you can sure as hell bet I’m not going to admit it. And for the last time, stop calling me white. My maternal great-grandfather was Persian.

So now you know a bit about me, but who am I, you ask? The answer is complicated. I’m a blonde girl in Roble. I’m a tall guy in Sigma Chi. I’m a coterm finishing off an extra year in EV. I am everywhere and nowhere at once—where you’d most expect to find me and where you’d never expect to find me. I’m on my bike, heading to late night. I’m down the hall, coming up the stairs. Look down! I may be sitting in your chair.

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