Mathematicians Discover New “160 Proof,” Get Totally Wasted

February 16, 2010 5:33 pm
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Mathematicians Discover New “160 Proof,” Get Totally Wasted

ATLANTA, GA—Last week, at the 4th Annual Conference of Mathematicians, Brent Foster of Arizona State University shocked the mathematics community when he presented his new form of proof. “For years, mathematicians have searched for new ways to view the world,” explained Foster. “We have looked for new approaches to problems and for novel techniques to solve our problems. Up until now, we have been unsuccessful, relying on antiquated mathematical processes such as ‘induction’ and ‘contradiction,’ but today I will share with you a revolutionary technique—the ‘160 Proof.’”

Foster went on to explain how the “160 Proof” technique would place problems in a new perspective—how it would quench a thirst for knowledge and would enable mathematicians to see problems they didn’t even know existed. Foster presented the example of Fermat’s Last Theorem, the centuries old math problem that still has no simple solution. “So….you seeee…I…[hiccup]…I have applied the 160 Proooooffff, and now, now the Theorem tastes….it…it looks…beautiful! It…it all makes sense now. Of COURSE it’s a triple…what else would it be? So you see…the truth….the…the 160 Proof solves…it…it solves the problem perr…perrrfectly, wanna start somethin’?”

Foster continued to solve three more “unsolvable” math problems, including what many considered to be a brilliant proof for P=NP, and then passed out in the corner. “Yeah, Foster did some intense math. He crashed hard—but that’s what happens when you prove too much. You have to be careful not to take math too far,” explained Mary Peterson, professor emeritus at Dartmouth.
Towards the end of Foster’s presentation, the other mathematicians in attendance tried out the 160 Proof for themselves. Though the events that took place afterward are still a little hazy, everyone remembers having a statistically significant time. (Adler)